I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
