let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
