Whod you bang
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize