They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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