I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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