it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
