I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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