Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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