He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
