It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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