I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
