He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize