Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
