Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
it's great music for shaving your balls
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
