Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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