Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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