two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
