so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
