even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
