How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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