he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
