Will you blow on my dice?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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