I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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