I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
