Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize