i may or may not be watching the land before time
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
