he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
