I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
