Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
