Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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