I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
