So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
