4 words: hood of his car
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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