i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
