And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
