After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
