I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
