Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
