i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
