This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
