What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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