I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
