I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
