My sheets look like a crime scene.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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