how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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