I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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