thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
They have beer where we have blood.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize