I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have tasted many bathrooms
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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