she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
