Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
