he shaved USA in his pubs
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
