Where did you get a picture of my penis
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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