Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
