marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
