I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
