Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
