I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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