why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
