Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
