yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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