There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
