So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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