I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
