too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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