I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
