carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
