I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
