it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
