Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
please come you make the beer taste better
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
