Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
