what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
