I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
