I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize