I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
