why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
