I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
