I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize