Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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