Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
