I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
