call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
