p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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