Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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