im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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