Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
