Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
