he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
