somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
