Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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