I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
