the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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