so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize