If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
