I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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