WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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