Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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