.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
