coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
