he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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