Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
