Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize