i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
