she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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