He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize