You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
