Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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