Define "chronic" masturbator.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
