found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
