I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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